I'm back, I'm alive, and I'm exhausted.

"Let go of the illusion that it could have been any different."

Vegas Flowers make up for how hot it is there.

It's been such a long month and a half! And I don't for see it slowing down anytime soon. Next up is a visit from some AK friends and then before I know it my dad will be here and we'll be making the big move. Its coming up so quick.

I promise I tried to blog. One time I even got on my computer and started one. By "started" I mean I put the post title in and cut down the size of a few photos. I really didn't want to write. I was so tired and for some reason I just wouldn't allow myself to skip out on it. It took a phone call from Tyler to remind me that this blog, this little online diary. It's for me. So I guess if I feel completely defeated and the only thing I can type out is "I FEEL SO DEFEATED" I would rather just do something more helpful for my mental state.

All of that nonsense being said, I am the worst military wife in all of eternity. Tyler had a 3.5 week long TDY and I was a hot mess express. It turned me into a zombie mom. (Shout out to the single mom's, call me up I'll babysit.) We got him back on a Thursday and picked up family on Saturday. Before they even left I hopped on a plane for my baby free weekend in Vegas with my girls! It's been so crazy around here.

The TDY was so long but I am grateful that Aurora and I took advantage of it as best as we could. We spent a lot of girl time together, I binge watched tv shows I know he wouldn't be interested in, and I sat and soaked in all sorts of quiet time. There's something soothing about sitting and just being. I know, my introvert is showing. I'll stop.

Having family here was good. Although...South Dakota, being the gem that it is, just poured rain on us most of the time they were here. So we spent a lot of veg time in the house. Ate some crayons, watched some movies, read the same book over and over and over and over and over....

Having fun with Grammie.

BUT! We got one good day before I left for Vegas. It was so nice, kinda hot...but not raining! We went into town and got to show them how we handle nice days. Rory's favorite park, the splash pad, and Silver Lining Creamery. It was a really good day.

Vegas was glorious. I forgot what it was like to not be on a constant schedule. Friday morning I almost died on a hike! I'm not joking, like I almost had to have Hannah carry me. The Vegas heat and I do not get along. It also probably doesn't help that I had 3-4 stouts the night before. Bad choices.

The next day I had three of my babies to hug on! We got to go to the pool and hang out which I'm not sure if the kids even had as much fun as I did. Major highlight of the trip was being able to do super Aunty stuff. For instance, parkour with my nephew in the middle of the store. You know, the kind of stuff that mom's frown upon. LOL! (Sorry Han)

It zoomed by and next thing I knew I was home snuggling my little Rory girl. 

A lot going on in the Aurora category. Her hair is all of a sudden super long. I can do a two part pony tail and it's the cutest thing. She is so mischievous...I just can't figure out who that came from. Gives me a weird feeling we're in for a wild ride with her.

She's started to climb on top of the table. She thinks its hysterical. If I have a bad heart at age 30 it's probably from Aurora's toddler years. Another fun thing we went through is our first E.R trip.

I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life. I would have rather gone through labor again than deal with the question of "what's wrong!?". Absolutely terrifying.

Thankfully it turned out to be way less scary than we thought and she was acting like nothing happened only a few short hours later.

On a serious note though. I know that this month and a half was rough but it was nothing compared to how it was for me back in November. I've been occasionally typing stuff into my notes on my phone when I'm feeling overwhelmed. I started it before I started this blog, way back when my PPD started and I haven't stopped. Sometimes I just type and delete and sometimes I save them. I went back and read a note I typed back in November. It's like a completely different person wrote the words.

I totally understand what I was saying and I agree with what I was feeling at that point in time for me. It just feels so good to feel unattached to it in a way. I feel like even though I may not be where I necessarily want to be mentally, I am doing SO much better.

Until next week? Month? Who knows.

K.H